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An Extra Spirit

The description of a divine encounter given below, is almost identical to an experience I had a number of times, about ten years ago. I was on the verge of becoming a Christian, but I was unable to believe in God. I would lay on my bed at night and kind of ‘meditate’ desperate for some kind of divine revelation, and then it hit me: I felt a surge of energy pulsing down my body.

You feel an extra spirit—arousing you, flowing over your entire body, bringing pleasure. It seems as if fine balsam oil has been poured over you from your head to your feet—once maybe more. You are overjoyed, in delight and trembling: the soul in delight, the body in trembling. Like a rider racing a horse: the rider is joyful and exuberant, while underneath, the horse quivers.
Matt, Daniel C ‘Trans”, 1997, ‘The Essential Kabbalah: The Heart of Jewish Mysticism: An Extra Spirit by Abraham Abulafia (13th Century)’, p.111 (Castle Books)

I was really freaked out when it first happened, and it was like God had spoken to me, revealed himself that he truly did exist, and I was “overjoyed, in delight and trembling”, and then I was jumping around with my fists flying in the air, crying out “yes! you really do exist!” lol.

I continued to have the same experience, to both a greater and lesser degree, until one night I felt a warm kind of burning (though not painful, more like lovely warm wax, until it become more intense and I wanted to scratch it, but held myself back) sensation in my forehead, just to the left, above my eyebrow. The heat intensified until it felt like it popped (I thought my forehead had popped and I was leaking brain fluid or something), and what felt like hot liquid ran down the side of my nose, although when I touched my face it was completely dry. It was weeks (or months) afterwards when I made the connection to the Biblical practice of anointing the forehead with oil.

—In Rabbinical Literature:
…
As to the mode of anointment, an old rabbinical tradition relates (Hor. 12a, Ker. 5b) that “the kings were anointed in the form of a crown; that is, all around the head; and the high priests in the form of a Greek Chi (χ). In other words, in anointing the priests the oil was poured first upon the head and then upon the eyebrows (see Rashi, and “‘Aruk,”…) JewishEncyclopedia.com

I had the same experience a number of times and afterwards, I almost continually felt the warm sensation in my forehead, throughout the day, although it never popped, as it did for those initial first nights.

Over time the feeling died down. I believe this was because I was beginning to focus my attention more and more upon myself, rather than God, until it almost went away altogether, although whenever I prayer or dwell upon God, even now, I can still feel it, ‘glowing.’

It sounds wacky, I know, and I’ve only ever told two or three people up till now. Reading that passage from The Essential Kabbalah, makes me regret that I went my own way for so many years, and I have never been as serious about God since back then, something I really want to change, but suck at, because, I’m still to focused on myself, rather than God.

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