Anxiety is not the same as an Anxiety Disorder

3 Comments | December 19, 2009 at 7:29 am by mahud
Filed under Social Anxiety, Blogging, Uncategorized

I discovered this movie about the lives of those who have Social Anxiety Disorder.

Video about Social Phobia

Mark ?? | MySpace Video

Below is a video I made recently talking about my current anxiety disorder issues. Things for me have grown worse over the past year. Probably the worst year of my life actually. My lack of writing for this blog as much to do it. My spiritual practice is close to non existent. My hope is that I can begin to really force some stuff into action. And try to start coping again.

Blessings

At the age of 15-16 I began to develop a serious anxiety disorder, that prevented me from hardly ever leaving my bedroom, unless I was compelled to by my friends. Eventually my anxiety became so bad (plus the drug taking didn’t help either), over the next few years of my life I basically lost any meaningful friendships I had, because I was totally unable to connect with anyone anymore. And I’m still pretty much the same way now.

I began to create a fictional universe when I was nineteen, that was set in both the present and the ancient past. It involved a bunch of musicians living in a castle, who attempt to contact extra-terrestrial life using shamanic techniques, and inadvertently invoke a malevolent forest spirit. The spirit, through possession, kills all but one of the musicians, and he becomes trapped alone within the castle walls. He grows old and loses his memory, awaiting for his release.

It seems to me now, that I was creating a myth of my own reality. I was the musician trapped within the castle, that lost all his friends due to a destructive power, that is, my social anxiety. The loss of memory reflects my own loss of self-identity, as I could and can no longer remember who I was, before my life was shot to bits, back when I was around eleven or twelve.

I also find it interesting that my myth, in a number of respects also mirrors the myth of the Rich-Fisher-Grail King, who was also trapped in an enchanted castle, after receiving a physical wound (that in my case is psychological), and could only be released when someone asked him the all-important question, restoring not only the king’s perpetual wound, but also bring life to the king’s realm that had become a wasteland
My Wasteland of a Reality:The Inward Mythology.